Esti's Search

“So, how was it on Friday?”

Esti sighed and took a quick look at her friend, before focusing back on the trail ahead.

“You can guess how it went.”

“That bad, eh?” Anna answered. “At least you got a free meal out of it.”

They stepped out of the way of a runner that was jogging in the opposite direction as them. “We split it,” she said. A second later, she added, “As we should.” What she did not add was that if it was going to be that boring she should have been paid. Reward her for her troubles.

“I mean, everything lately has been like this.” The last five dates had been bad. Not a disaster, nobody had been hurt – except her free time – but it had been boring; or if by a miracle she had liked the guy, he had not texted her back.

“At some point, it will happen. You just need to keep trying,” Anna said encouragingly.

“You always say that.” Yes, it was easy for her to be happy when she had been in a loving relationship for years, and everything was perfect. She was not angry at her friend, just at the world for letting her down, again.

They were quickly approaching the end of their route, as they took a last turn. They were leading the pack of the running club today. The club was nice, although they were the youngest by a margin. Still, it was a good way to meet people, and in Vienna, there was a lot of the “people” part, but not so much of the “meet” part.

“Maybe I should become a lesbian.” Esti joked.

“You could never be one.” Anna teased.

“Why not?” She was actually a little offended.

“Just because. Trust me.” She laughed. “It’s not a bad thing. C’mon, we’re finished.”

They arrived at their meeting point at a corner of the entrance to the Schönbrunn gardens. She checked her smart watch. 7km. An easy one today.

The leader of the group, a woman in her forties, said, “Great job everyone! Let’s stretch a bit together before parting.”

After they did that, Esti walked with Anna to the U-Bahn station, promised to see her on Saturday, and started her short walk home. She decided to stop by a supermarket. She had been very healthy lately, at least physically. Her job was sucking her soul out of her, and not in a good way. And she was not completely sure she liked this beautiful, clean, nothing-to-do, too-much-like-home city.

She got a pizza base, some onions and some cheese (at least she could eat that). The amount of lactose intolerant people was on the rise, on par with her rent. She then grabbed a bottle of white wine, but after having thought about it better, she left it back on the shelf and replaced it with a bottle of sparkling water. She then grabbed a bottle of Aperol and another of Prosecco. Relatively healthy.

She went to the cashier and stood in a long line to pay; the Spar was unusually crowded. The store clerk started scanning her items in their characteristically light-speed like manner, so that when she paid, she had to rush to put all her things inside her new tote bag. New as in “fabricated not too long ago”, not as in “recently bought”. She had tried to knit it herself, and it worked halfway. Like a clock only giving the correct hour. Or like when she went to the office.

The point is, her strap broke, and the onions rolled on the floor in different directions, as the bag that held them together had also ripped, obviously. She crouched to pick them up one by one, cursing her luck, the gods, and their moms, in her native Hungarian when she bumped something with her head and heard a crash.

She stopped still and raised her head. Unintentionally, she had pushed a guy who was holding a jar of sauerkraut, broken in half. The smell and the liquid was all over the floor, and people kept walking through with the typical empathy observed in big cities.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” She basically shouted at the back of the guy.

“No problem at all.”

He had a bit of an accent, but she could not place it. Then he turned around. He had dark curly hair and darker eyes. His face was smooth and toned; she could picture him with cucumber slices on his eyes every night.

“Do you need help?” he asked her, ignoring the puddle forming on the floor. “No, no, thank you.” She stuttered back, as she dropped the bottle of sparkling water while trying to pick up the last onion.

The guy grabbed it for her. “Here.” He took a quick glimpse at her bag. “I love Aperol Spritz.”

“Really?” she asked, more to herself.

“There is nothing better than having a drink after a bad day at work.” He answered a bit awkwardly.

She grabbed the bottle from his hands, and their hands brushed together for a second, which made her drop the bottle again.

“My fault,” he said immediately. After giving it back to her, he added, “Let me buy you a drink to compensate.”

“It’s fine, no need.” Why did she say that? It’s not fine. It was definitely not his fault, but of course I want him to buy me a drink! She thought. We can even each pay for our own!

“I insist.” He smiled at her. “I’m Ben. And you are?”

“Esti.”

“Curious name. I like it.” Curious? Really?

“Are you free tomorrow?” She just nodded. “Here, put your number on my phone, I’ll find a place and text you.”

Having typed and rechecked her phone number twice, he waved goodbye and walked away. This had never happened to her. She was left standing, looking out the door for a couple of seconds. Then, an old lady with a shopping cart bumped her on the back, making her drop the bottle of sparkling water a third time. She just sighed and went back in to buy a new one.

The following day, she arrived at a cute Italian place in the ninth district. She waved at Ben from the window, as the hem of her dress danced in the wind. She was wearing a cute summer dress that seemed formal, and she had spent fifteen minutes deciding it was not too formal.

“Hi,” she said as she sat down.

“Nice to see you again, Esti”. He answered, with a weird emphasis on her name.

They stared at each other awkwardly for a couple of seconds. She had been nervous all the way here; she could not believe she had accepted to come. She met him by chance in a supermarket! Who did that?

“So, what do you do?” Esti said. Too direct.

“I work in finance, doing analytics for a bank. I know, it's not the most exciting job.” He gave a quick laugh at the end.

“At least you’re not a project manager.” She said, pointing at herself. “I know about boring.”

“Ha, ha, good thing then. I’m very boring.”

“You seem so.” C’mon.

He stared at her even more awkwardly than before.

“Sorry, that sounded rude. I meant job wise.” That was not helping. She covered her face with her hands.

“Don’t worry, it was my fault.” He smiled apologetically, as if he was the one who had insulted her. “Tell you what, how about we don’t talk about our jobs at all?”

She breathed out and smiled back at him. “I would love that.”

The waitress came and they ordered two Aperol Spritz, and they spent the next couple of hours drinking and eating antipasti while talking about travelling. He had also been to Thailand last year; they had missed each other by weeks. As if they would have ever met in a city like Bangkok.

Besides the awkward beginning of the date, Esti found she was enjoying herself. He was attractive and well spoken, even though she did most of the talking. When the check came, he offered to pay, but she insisted they split it. He refused by saying it had been his idea to go on a date. At least she would get something out of this date.

They walked together to the tram stop. They promised to see each other again, and this time it was Esti’s choice, and treat. She gave him a quick hug and went home. This could be promising.

The hot Vienna weather had arrived; Esti was drenched in sweat as they finished the Wednesday run with the club, even though it had been only five kilometers. They should start running at night soon.

Catching her breath, she saw Anna approaching her.

“So… how’s it going with your guy?”

“Fine.” She answered sharply.

“Just fine? C’mon, give me some deets.”

“Yeah, it’s been fine.” She gathered her thoughts that she had been thinking the whole week. She was a straight forward person, but she also did not want to give too many details about her personal life.

“It’s just going too slow. We’ve been on four dates and nothing has happened.”

“Nothing? Not even a kiss?” Anna asked, raising her brow.

“Well, maybe a kiss. But that is it.” The kisses had been fine, also. Just fine. But every time she suggested going somewhere else, he had refused her somehow. Politely, of course. He did work in finance, in the end. He had many excuses: work, family, fantasy football (whatever that was), taking care of the dog. They could take care of it together! While he waited in the other room, or something.

She even directly invited him home once, and he had evaded her by suggesting they go grab a cup of coffee. It was not like this was a serious fling, but it started to feel like it was nothing.

“I don’t know what’s going wrong. I think he likes me, or we wouldn’t keep meeting, and I think I like him; he just seems to not want to go forward.”

Anna could sense her friend was a bit conflicted. “Just be direct with him. You know what you want; you’ve made that abundantly clear to me.” She put a hand on her shoulder. “Now it’s time you make it clear to him.”

She was right; she knew that. She was just postponing it. She thought about it extensively on the way home, and the following day at work. Her project was being very absently managed. But she could not focus. Why was she having problems communicating with him? She’d always been direct, and hated when people hid their true feelings or lied (except for pranks, obviously), but she was having doubts.

She liked him, she guessed. They had drank together and shared some stories, laughed about TV shows and talked about travelling. She was mostly the one doing the talking, mind you, but that could be fixed.

Maybe she thought since destiny had delivered them together in a supermarket cashier, the spark should just be there. She was confused. But after knitting a nicer tote bag with a very funny but only slightly problematic drawing on it, she decided to tell him directly. Maybe the sex would solve it. She would at least want to give it a try, or multiple ones.

She saw him the next day for a walk in the gardens. He looked good, exactly the same as always, attractively and nonchalantly ignoring his surroundings.

“Hey, I got your message. How are you?”

“Fine.” She answered curtly. “Why don’t you wanna have sex with me?”

He looked a bit shocked at her honesty, maybe even a bit disgusted. “Where did you get that from?” he asked after recovering slightly.

“From your attitude; it was not hard to grasp. You always want to go somewhere public, even though we’ve been on multiple dates, and I thought you liked me. I even invited you home, for God’s sake!”

She was getting a bit heated, but tried not to raise her voice.

“I…” he stumbled for words. In the end, he just said, “I don’t know. I’m nervous.”

“Nervous? Why? We’ve already seen each other many times, what are you nervous about? Don’t you like me?”

“Yeah, I do, but… I just don’t know how much.”

She thought about that for a moment. That might be valid reasoning, but also too plain. Furthermore, how else was he supposed to find out? She told him exactly that.

“Well, I just don’t know if I’m ready for commitment, and don’t want to lead you on with sex.”

“After four dates, I’m already led on.” She murmured more to herself.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

After a minute of silence, she said, “You know what? Me too. If you’re just afraid, I get it; but if you don’t talk to me now, you never will. Also, it’s your loss. I know what I want and don’t want to lose time.”

She started walking home while she still waited for an answer she knew she would not get. The conversation had not gone the way she had wanted it. It had been a civil yet emotionless talk, especially on his side, so, even though she would never do it, she turned around and said, “Besides, you’re boring. Looks aren’t everything.”

Who was she kidding? She would definitely say that again. She went home smiling. Not because things had turned out fine, but rather at being proud of herself. She could always count on knowing what she wanted. And, on being savagely funny.

“Well, and that was it.”

Esti had just finished telling Anna what had happened the other day. They were standing near a fountain before the running club met. With the heat, they finally started meeting in the evenings. She still would have liked to jump into the fountain.

“I’m sorry that’s how it ended.” Anna said.

“It’s okay.” She looked at her friend. “Honestly, it’s fine. I didn’t waste more time than necessary. But it’s back to online dating I guess.”

“If you ask me —”

“I’m not.”

“—but if you did, I would say that sounds preferable to meeting random people in the supermarket, as romantic as that might have been.” She laughed.

Esti also laughed. She was right, and she knew it. Still, she said, “you don’t really know how bad online dating is.” Anna shrugged.

They waved to some people as they started coming in, mostly middle-aged moms. Everyone in the club had someone. As if reading her mind, Anna said, “You just gotta keep trying. Trust me. You’ll find your match”. Yeah, so she could light herself on fire, she thought.

At that moment, they heard a male voice intrude.

“Excuse me, is this the Schonbrunn afternoon running club?”

“Yes, hi!” answered Anna.

“Very observant of you,” Esti added.

The new guy laughed a genuine laugh. It was a pleasant noise.

“Thank you, I have been honing my running club detective skills lately. It’s good to know I’m improving.” It was Esti’s turn to laugh now.

“Hi, I’m Clark,” he said, extending his hand.

“Esti.” She took it. He seemed nice.

The club leader announced they were starting the run; it would be another easy one. But that was not really the point.

“So, you’ve been coming here much?” Clark suddenly asked her.

“A couple of months.”

“How do you like it?”

“I mean, it’s no marathon but it’s better than running alone.”

“Are you practising for one?”

“Always,” she answered. He smiled at that.

They started running towards the rest of the members of the club, continuing the conversation. They were so immersed in it, that she did not notice Anna smiling, purposely trailing behind to leave them space to talk alone.